Jane, first of all, welcome to Simmergirl's site! We're glad to see you here and nice to see new posters!
(Never mind the elbow I'm giving my co-moderator Ronnie in her simulated-ribs for not welcoming you in her post like moderators are supposed to do...)
You brought up an interesting point that I remember from Sims1 but have never seen in Sims2. Back in Sims1, I could have sworn the other sims "knew" the first time I had male sims wear dresses because the first couple times they went downtown, other male sims would walk up to them and immediately go into "tease" mode where they would point and laugh at my sims. (Those were the first downtown sims to have a little visit to my Sims1 surgery clinic...mwahaha!)